Give yourself permission to choose you, save you, and remember who you are
Did you know that the first Monday of a new year —known in legal circles as “D-Day,” as in, Divorce Day—is the Black Friday equivalent for divorce lawyers? Indeed, more divorces will be filed Monday than on any other day of the year.
But why is this first Monday of a new year so infamous? Why do an extraordinary number of couples file for divorce after the end-of-year holidays?
Perhaps, it is because our perceived failures and short-comings can loom so much larger than they should during the holiday season. For many, the holidays are akin to sitting on an explosive powder keg, praying that someone won’t light the fateful match that blows everything to smithereens. So filled are the holidays with such pressures and stress, expectations and commitments, that already shaky relationships can become completely undone. Little wonder, too, because our self-talk can get really ugly and the alone times with that little voice inside our heads a living torment.
Before you walk those papers to the court house, however, I hope you have full disclosure regarding how much worse your situation could get. Yes, you may get your “freedom.” But divorce is a very ugly business, in which nobody but your divorce attorney truly wins. Your children won’t win and neither will you…or your ex. Moreover, what you perceive as putting finality to something that you now deem a lost cause is, really, just the beginning of a new phase with the same person, especially if you have children together.
If there has been any kind of abuse or repeated infidelity and neglect, then, please, there’s no better time than today to start a new chapter in your life story. I’ll even help you sign up for Uber! However, just understand the reality of what will actually go down. We can make all the jokes we want about divorce and our ex’s. And yes, some are downright funny! The law firm of Ditcher, Quick & Hyde, for example. Seriously? 😂😂😂 But I guarantee you, regardless of whatever went down within a marriage, when that judge’s gavel declares one newly single, there are very few people who, deep inside, actually feel anything close to victorious —or free — in the moment.
That said, I came across this piece from Author: Rania Naim, which may help guide your contemplations and resolve. As you give yourself permission to choose you, save you, and remember who you are, know this: You may not always know where you are going, but you always know where you can no longer stay.
May this be your best year ever!
“You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t find yourself in. You’re allowed to leave any story you don’t love yourself in.
You’re allowed to leave a city that has dimmed your light instead of making you shine brighter, you’re allowed to pack all your bags and start over somewhere else and you’re allowed to redefine the meaning of your life.
You’re allowed to quit the job you hate even if the world tells you not to and you’re allowed to search for something that makes you look forward to tomorrow and to the rest of your life.
You’re allowed to leave someone you love if they’re treating you poorly, you’re allowed to put yourself first if you’re settling and you’re allowed to walk away when you’ve tried over and over again but nothing has changed.
You’re allowed to let toxic friends go, you’re allowed to surround yourself with love, and people who encourage and nurture you. You’re allowed to pick the kind of energy you need in your life.
You’re allowed to forgive yourself for your biggest and smallest mistakes and you’re allowed to be kind to yourself, you’re allowed to look in the mirror and actually like the person you see.
You’re allowed to set yourself free from your own expectations.
We sometimes look at leaving as a bad thing or associate it with giving up or quitting, but sometimes leaving is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Leaving allows you to change directions, to start over, to rediscover yourself and the world. Leaving sometimes saves you from staying stuck in the wrong place with the wrong people.
Leaving opens a new door for change, growth, opportunities and redemption.
You always have the choice to leave until you find where you belong and what makes you happy.
You’re even allowed to leave the old you behind and reinvent yourself.”
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