“Why should I take marriage advice from American author, television writer and self-proclaimed relationship expert Tracy McMillan who has been married and divorced three times?” you may well ask. It’s a perfectly legitimate question. However, I would reply, “Because she’s finally got the lesson.”
Indeed, isn’t that the point of hindsight? It’s only 20/20 when you get the lesson.
In her 2011 HuffPost essay, Why You’re Not Married, which garnered nearly three million views, McMillan had stirred up a hornet’s nest of controversy that precipitated strong reactions and responses from other media outlets, including CNN. There were clearly other reasons that women were not married beyond those cited by McMillan: To be sure, I didn’t consider myself a bitch, a slut, a liar, shallow, selfish or not good enough. No. I was working my way through grief.
Two years earlier, my husband had lost his valiant battle with cancer, and it was more than enough just to live my life, coping with two children and my aging mother, as well as the new financial challenges that had been thrown into the mix. Did I want to meet and marry that “one and only”? I thought I already had, but life had other plans. I was still coming to grips with the reality of dreams denied. Finding another man to marry was the last thing on my mind.
Which is why I am pleased that McMillan has actually evolved.
In a TED Talk that has racked up nearly 16 million views on YouTube, McMillan is as vulnerable about her past as she is engaging when speaking about her marital failures. But more importantly, as those who have put in the internal work inevitably do, McMillan has arrived at the conclusion that every woman should hear, not just those on the marriage market.
No conscious woman should still be internalizing the now-famous words uttered by Tom Cruise to his love interest in the movie, Jerry McGuire, “You complete me.” Such romantic fodder contributes to the revolving carousel of doom associated with marriage and divorce. Finding someone to “complete you” is not a wise #RelationshipGoal.
In her 2011 essay, McMillan had declared, “I’ve become a sort of jailhouse lawyer of relationships β someone who’s had to do so much work on her own case that I can now help you with yours.”
This time, she may be right.
FULL TRANSCRIPT: The Person You Really Need To Marry
RELATED ARTICLE: Why You’re Not Married, HuffPost, Tracy McMillan, Feb 13, 2011
If you’re having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin — it doesn’t stay recreational for long.
RELATED ARTICLE: Why I’m not married (and it’s not because I’m an angry slut), CNN, Jessica Ravitz, February 22, 2011
